Hollywood adds to its trend of awful throwbacks to trashy '90s movies with The Loft.
The sleazy dramatic thriller which feels like decade old dreck such as Just Cause Sliver and Shattered follows Jennifer Lopez's The Boy Next Door which channeled Deceived and Sleeping with the Enemy. This one comes with hoot able dialogue courtesy screenwriter Wesley Strick ( Cape Fear Final Analysis ) like I take chances especially when holding a handful of hearts
Five charmless cads are questioned by detectives after a bloody female corpse is found handcuffed to a bed in a loft. When the quartet find the body they meet to discuss what to do before calling the police.
Vince (Karl Urban) is an architect and coincidence the architect of a plan we see in flashback setting up the condo loft for he and his pals to bring women to. Chris (James Marsden) a shrink with permanent 5 o'clock stubble is hesitant but Chris's thuggish half brother Philip (Matthias Schoenaerts) and Marty (Eric Stonestreet) a pudgy clown as he's called are down with it. Luke (Wentworth Miller) is tall and quiet but has a deep well of horndog. We're men one of the wannabe players says. We're all a little like that.
Chris eventually becomes involved with a call girl Anne (Rachael Taylor) which leads to his comically stunned ...What after she shouts at him I'm a whore I'm a prostitute I f men for money Meanwhile Vince falls for Sarah (Isabel Lucas) whom he meets at a party and just married Philip continues his tom cattin' ways. The pudgy clown just goes on being one of the most unappealing characters ever put on film.
Twists emerge when in yet more flashbacks we hear Anne's main client a powerful city councilman say a Latin quote next to the blond corpse had been a Latin phrase smeared in blood Was he the killer Or what about Luke who's been video recording all the guys' extramarital meetings Philip is always violent and Vince is always angry. They all could be suspects and all start to suspect each other.
Murder on the Orient Express this ain't.
The Loft is however very misogynistic in a Joe Eszterhas ( Basic Instinct ) kind of way. All the men's wives are shrews prigs or doormats all the conquests doe eyed blonds with sucked in cheeks. All the dialogue is as witty as this exchange You're a sick f No you're a sick f
They're all sick f s frankly and the actors are dreadful while playing them. Urban is terrific as Dr. McCoy in the new Star Trek films but he's dreadfully wooden here. Marsden is an underappreciated light comic ( Enchanted Hairspray ) but here is as slick and flat as an Esquire cover. Miller ( Prison Break ) could be Clark Kent's brother Pa Kent kept in a closet.
The rest of the cast is forgettable including the pudgy clown and the visuals have that metallic gray palette so familiar from late night cable flicks. Even the interrogation scenes are unpleasant especially when director Erik Van Looy remaking his own 2008 Belgian flick (also costarring Schoenaerts in the same role) uses fishbowl lenses on the suspects' faces.
Being in a movie theater with these guys is bad enough we don't need to be face to face.
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Title 'The Loft' Film Info With James Marsden Keith Urban Five guys discover a body in the apartment they share. Director Erik Van Looy (1 44). R Violence sexuality language. Area theaters.
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